Ninteen Years
by Peaches-Destroyer
Summary: cowritten with shadowlover19. It's their time in Hogwarts now, and they've sworn to live up to the legacy their parents left behind. Will Rose, Albus, and Scorpius be able to make it through the school year? Parody of any and all nextgen fics... CRACK!
1. Chapter 1

**Hola, this is narugirl94, and shadowlover19, coming to YOU with a co-written story!**

**... we actually started this in August, during camp, but because NG94's so lazy, she just got it up now. Jennie is NG94, and Hadar is SL19. We will be doing every other chapter... yay!**

**ok, this is the only time we will say it: We do not, sadly, own harry potter. Jennie has draco malfoy chained up in her closet, covered with chocolate sauce, but we're not really talking about that, now are we?**

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**Chapter one (Jennie and Hadar)**

"Harry kept smiling and waving, even though it was like a little bereavement, watching his son glide away from him…"

Albus Potter watched as his father's face disappeared around the corner.

Apprehension flushed through him. His father's words had comforted him for a short period of time, but now he was worried that his father must have just been lucky. He knew that he was going to be in Slytherin. After all, his brother had said so- and James was always right. Always.

A soft knocking sound was heard. Albus jerked out of his musings to see his Cousin Rose leaning against the doorframe of his compartment.

"Hey Al… mind if I join you?" She asked. Albus nodded sullenly. Rose slipped in next to her cousin and put her arm around him. "What's wrong?" Albus didn't respond. "Is it that Slytherin thing again?"

Rose sighed exasperatedly at Albus's nod. "Look, on the off chance that you _**DO**_ make it into Slytherin, what's wrong with that? Being in Slytherin means you're _ambitious_Ambition is a GOOD thing to have. Just like Ravenclaw is for smart people, and Gryffindor is for brave people. The only house you _don't_ want to be in is Huffelpuff- that's where all the reject losers go… they just SAY that it's for kindness. Got that?"

Albus grinned a bit, despite his Slytherin-induced depression. Rose always knew what to say to make him feel better. He stared into her brown eyes, and couldn't help but notice then smiling at her.

"Thanks… I know you're right."

"Of course I am." Rose agreed, nodding her head. "Now, let's not think about the houses, and do something _fun._" Al raised an eyebrow at the sinister tone his cousin had taken.

"What? Are you going to pull a prank?" He inquired.

"Yup! Xenophilius Longbottom is in the next compartment over." Rose answered, grinning. "I have my pet frog, Polly Toad. I'm going to dip her in this here brown paint, and say it's a chocolate frog!"

"Rose! You can't do that! You KNOW Xeno's grandfather died just last week from that lawn-gnome incident!" Al reprimanded his cousin, not even wanting to know where she had acquired the paint.

"I thought he died of testicular cancer, not of a lawn gnome attack…"

"The gnome bit him… the affected area was a result of his bite."

"Oh… well, who gives a shit?" Al gasped.

"HEY! THIS FIC IS RATED K !!"

"So? Why can't I swear anyway? I mean, knowing the authoresses, it's gonna be rated M before we get to the sorting hat chapter."

"Well, then wait." Rose glared.

"Sod you, Al! Sod… you." And with that, Rose left the compartment, yelling "Hey Xeno! Wanna chocolate frog?" Albus shook his head, sighing, and mentally began the countdown.

'_Three… two… one…'_

"BLOODY HELL! THIS THING'S FUCKING ALIVE!!! WHAT THE FUCK, ROSE?! I COULD'VE KILLED IT! YOU ARE ONE OF THE MOST SICK AND TWISTED LITTLE BITCHES I HAVE EVER MET…"

And with those words, uttered by Xenophilius Longbottom, the story rating went from "K " to "T".


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two (Hadar)**

Albus sighed again as he watched the rating change. When Rose finally walked back in, her hair messy, and her cheek bruised, he wasted no time in scolding her.

"Now look what you did! We lost an entire generation of readers because of your language! I hate you!" Rose looked confused.

"But why would anyone under 13 really read fanfiction?"

"…" As Albus tried in vain to come up with a good response, they heard a knock at the door of their compartment. "Come in!" he called, glad for an excuse to stop fighting with his cousin.

The compartment door opened, to reveal a girl. She was dressed in a black-and-purple halter top, with dark wash jeans, and those black 'emo gloves'. You know, the kind that cut off at your fingers, made of fishnet. Her hair was jet black, with a violet streak in front. Brown eyes stared at the cousins intently.

"Hey, umm… mind if I join you? She asked hesitantly. The Albus glanced at his cousin out of the corner. Should they really let this strange gothic girl sit with them? They shrugged, and the girl took the gesture as permission to sit down in the seat across from Albus.

"The name's Charlotte Frogg." The girl said while pointing to herself, as if they didn't understand who she was referring to.

"I'm Rose Weasley, and this is my cousin, Albus Potter. It's very nice to meet you!" Charlotte's eyes lit up.

"Potter? Oh, that means you're James's brother, right?! OMG, I'm one of his posse! Wow, this is SOOO cool! …BTW, you look _NOTHING_ like him. Ah well, do you know where he is? I've been looking all over for him!"

Albus blinked. OMG? BTW? Posse? What was this strange girl talking about? Slowly, he shook his head.

"Umm… no, I haven't seen him since he got on the train…"

"Yeah!" Rose piped up. "He's not his brother's keeper!" Two pairs of eyes stared at her curiously. Charlotte blinked.

"Um, okaaay… thanks for sharing…" Al sighed, trying to steer the conversation back to more sane grounds.

"So, Charlotte, you know my brother already, so you're in second year, right?"

"Yup! GO, GO, GRYFFENDOR! You better be in that house, because WE KICK ASS!" and this girl thought _they_ were weird?

"Mm, Al, it's time to change… NOW!" Rose urged, staring at her cousin meaningfully.

"But we're already in our robes-"

"NOW."

"Ooh, I get it! Umm Charlotte, can you please give us some privacy as we change?" The second year shrugged, walking out into the hallway. Rose waited until she was out of earshot to speak.

"She's really weird." Albus raised an eyebrow

"What did you expect? She's my brother's friend!"

"Al, am I allowed to be scared of my cousin's posse?"

"Be afraid, be very, very, afraid" Al said, wiggling his fingers in the girl's face. The two broke out in laughter as they began to change… again. (Even though they were already in their robes, they had told Charlotte that they were changing. And a the Potter-Weasley family never broke their word.)

Al changed into another robe quickly, and left into the hallway to give his cousin some privacy, but Rose took forever. After about 15 minutes of waiting for her, Al had had enough. He began kicking at the door, yelling for her to hurry up. However, his kicking caused the door to open, and Rose tumbled out of the compartment, pants down, holding

"Umm… this isn't what it looks like!" Al just stared, aghast.

"ROSE! You're eleven!" Rose picked herself up, flipping off a group of third years who had stopped to stare at her. "Christ, girl, you've gone and let this story be rated M!" Rose shook her head.

"No, for that, I'd probably have to _describe_ what I did first. But since you're so obsessed with high ratings, fine. First, I-" Al quickly covered his cousin's mouth.

"No! Uggh, just come on… we're almost here." Nodding, Rose pulled up her pants and ran toward the train's door. Al followed behind, being sure to remind his cousin to put her vibrator away.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three (Hadar)**

Al hopped off of the train, staring in awe at the sight before them. However, before he could look long enough for the authoress to describe exactly what he saw, Rose grabbed him and pulled him to the nearest boat.

"Come on, Al! I'm SO excited! I can't wait to find out my house… I _know_ I'll be in Gryffindor. Weasleys are always in Gryffindor!" Al smiled.

Though he doubted that she realized it, what his cousin had said comforted him greatly. His mother was Ginny Potter, who had been a Weasley before she changed her name. Both of his parents, and their parents before them, had all been Gryffindor. He wouldn't be in Slytherin, epically since he wasn't really pure-blooded (his blood was only 75 pure, since his father was a half-blood). But, then again, he also bore the name of a man who had been in Slytherin, and Severus Sanpe too, was a half-blood.

"Severus" the boy muttered quetly as he sat down, deep in thought. "That name may be the determining factor of what house I'm in." Rose looked up, not having heard him.

"Huh?"

"I said I'm not that excited" Al half-lied. There was no reason for her to know what was really going through his head. Rose groaned, slapping her forehead.

"Albus Severus Potter! What did I tell you before? You have Weasley blood in you- there's no way you'll be in Slytherin!"

"Actually, _you'd_ make a good Slytherin" Al remarked, "After all, it's pretty ambitious to use and bring a vibrator to Hogwarts… I mean, you know what that _means,_ right?"

"I'm not going to have sex, silly! That's what the vibrator's for!" Rose was cut off, however, as another boy made his way into the boat, sitting down next to her. His blonde hair and silver eyes indicated that the boy was Scorpius Malfoy. They had seen him at the train station with his father, and Ron had been sure to warn the kids not to get to friendly with him. However, judging from the warm smile Rose gave him- the same smile she gave to her family and friends- she didn't really care.

"Hi, you're Scorpius Malfoy, right?" The blonde gave a curt nod, then stared out of the boat into the water below. Albus frowned. Jeez, this kid was _rude_!

"Hey, she's trying to introduce herself to you, stupidhead!" Scorpius raised an eyebrow at the pathetic insult, but otherwise did nothing to indicate he heard. Rose rolled her eyes.

"I'm Rose Weasley, and this is my cousin Albus Potter. How are you?" For the first time, the blonde looked up.

"My father told me to have nothing to do with either of you, so stop talking to me." There was a stunned silence for a moment, before he continued. "And besides, what kind of name is 'Albus Severus Potter', anyway? It sounds like a gay threesome, or something!" Rose cringed. She knew that Al's name was a very touchy subject. However, before any punches were thrown, the boat bobbed a bit in the water, indicating Xenophilius Longbottom's entry.

"Here's your frog back, bitch." Xeno threw the brown frog at Rose, who caught it.

"Thanks… umm, sorry for almost tricking you into eating her…" Scorpius raised an eyebrow. Who did what now?

"That trick of yours reminded me of my grandfather… he loved chocolate frogs…" Xeno burst into tears. The Malfoy snorted.

"Baby…" He muttered. Albus turned to glare at him.

"Hey, your grandpa didn't die of testicular cancer, did he?! Xeno has every right to cry over the fact that his grandpa's manhood betrayed him!"

Scorpus: 0.o

"He wasn't supposed to know that…" Xeno muttered through his tears.

"Oh, oops. Well, at least he doesn't know about the gnome's involvement…"

"Lawn gnome?"

"Yeah. It bit him, and where the gnome bit became infected."

Scorpius: **O.o!!!**

Rose grinned.

"You know what, let's just start the boat and get there so I can get into Gryffindor already!" Scorpius nodded in agreement- this conversation was DISGUSTING!

"Why Malfoy, what's wrong? Are you not enjoying our conversation of Ball-Cancer?" Albus asked, a sinister grin on his face.

Malfoy threw up.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four (Jennie)**

The four children exited the boat, excited and anxious for their first night at Hogwarts. They stared at the enormous building before them in awe, feeling slightly intimidated.

"Firs' years, over here!" A loud voice called. Al turned to see Hagrid, herding a large group of students inside. The quartet shrugged, and went in along with the rest of the kids, gasping at the sight that greeted them.

The ceiling, which was enchanted to show the sky above, was pitch black, with a few scattered stars glimmering in random spots. There were candles floating in midair, giving off just enough light for the students to see, but still give the great hall a mysterious feeling. However, what made them gasp was actually the sheer number of people. There were hundreds of students at each house table, and even more people at the staff table. The great hall, which must have been at least 2000 square feet, was so crowded it seemed as if the first years wouldn't be able to fit.

"Damn…" Scorpius muttered in awe.

Suddenly, the entire hall became silent. Albus watched, wide-eyed, as the sorting hat was brought to a stool in the middle of the room, and began to sing.

"_Oh, once not many years ago,_

_There was another hat, you know._

_All the students had a jolly good time,_

_Listening to the old thing rhyme._

_But then the dark lord came along,_

_And killed that old hat, in the middle of its song!_

_So they made me, to take his place,_

_And keep the old one locked up in an old metal case!_

_Well, I can't sing, and I can't rhyme,_

_So I'm not going to waste your time,_

_With a stupid song that you don't need,_

_So the sorting must start!_

_Let us proceed."_

The entire great hall stared, as the hat finished what was quite possibly the worst song in history. Finally, the headmistress, Professor McGonagall, cleared her throat uncertainly.

"Umm… right. Moving on, I shall call your name to be sorted. Abott, Collin." The sorting went on, and in no time at all, it was Xeno's turn.

"Longbottom, Xenophillius" Xeno sauntered over to the stool, haughtily sitting down. However, the second the hat landed on his head, it let out a girly ear-piercing shriek. After fifteen minutes of trying to shove the hat back onto the boy's head, it cried

"Hufflepuff! He's a Hufflepuff! Just let me off him!" Xeno glared

"How DARE you place me with those reject losers!" He cried in outrage. A vein twitched in Professor Neville's forehead.

"EXCUSE ME?!" Xeno shrank back. His father was terrifying! "From now on," the fuming professor continued, "Anybody who complains about their house in any way will get a month's worth of detention! Xeno, please come out into the hall with me." Trembling, the boy walked out with his father. McGonagall cleared her throat.

"Now, then… Lou, Lucy!" The sorting went on.

"Malfoy, Scorpius!" Scorpius plopped down on the stool, obviously expecting to be sorted within just a few seconds. Instead, though, he sat on the stool for almost five minutes before the hat finally declared,

"RAVENCLAW!" Malfoy obviously wasn't expecting this, given the fact that he fell out of the stool, laying on the ground in shock. He laid there for several seconds, his facial expression similar to that of a goldfish, before stumbling mutely over to the Ravenclaw table, where the Ravenclaws sat, equally shocked.

"Potter, Albus!" Suddenly, the great hall was abuzz, with people craning their necks, in the hopes of catching a glimpse of the son of the Boy Who Lived. Feeling very self conscious, Al made his way to the stool. It took quite a bit of inconspicuous pushing, shoving, glaring, and threat making to make his way through the crowd of stunned first years, who were also waiting to be sorted. Al briefly wished he knew a spell to just blast the little bastards out of his way, it would've been a lot easier. At long last, he made it to the stool, sat down, and placed the hat on his head.

"_Hmm…"_ Albus jumped a bit as he heard the voice in his head _"This is a tough one… you're very brave, but you're also smart… and ambitious_!" Al stiffened. Did that mean he had a chance of being in Slytherin? Oh god, he hoped not, he **really** did **not** want to be in Slytherin. _"Not Slytherin, eh?_" the hat chuckled. _"Well, you wouldn't be very good in that house anyway, you're only 75 pure-blooded. In fact, you'd be best in the house of…"_


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five (Jennie)**

"_Well, you wouldn't be very good in that house anyway, you're only 75 pure-blooded. In fact, you'd be best in the house of…" _The next part was shouted for all to hear.

"**RAVENCLAW!!"** There was enormous applause from the Ravenclaw table, but the Gryffindor were FURIOUS. Albus followed Malfoy's example, and didn't talk at all, for fear of getting a detention. James, however, had no qualms about speaking up.

"WHAT THE HELL?! YOU JUST **RUINED**THE ENTIRE HARRY POTTER SERIES BY NOT PUTTING HIS SUN IN GRYFFINDOR!" However, Albus didn't notice his brother's words. In fact, in his numb state, as he took a seat next to (a still in shock) Malfoy, he didn't even notice Rose also being sorted into Ravenclaw.

At least, he didn't notice until she sat down next to him.

"Come on, Al, Malfoy, this is GREAT!" She said in a desperate attempt to be cheerful. Whether it was for the boys' sake or hers, nobody knew. "This means that we're _smart_, and brains are a good thing to have! At least we're not in Hufflepuff!"

"Easy for you to say," Scorpius muttered from his seat across from her. "My dad's gonna have a fit!" Rose bit her lip, unsure of who to try and comfort. ON one hand, Al was her cousin, and expecting to be in Gryffindor. On the other hand, while Al was just shocked, Scorpius actually looked extremely depressed. Thankfully, she was saved from deciding when food appeared on the table. Both boys dug in, eating like starving animals, their previous bad moods forgotten.

'_Thank god for boys and their inability to ignore food!'_ Rose thought, relieved. Her relief soon turned to disgust, however, as the two boys' eating manners became even worse.

Apparently, they were having a competition of some sort to see who could eat the most food the fastest. Within two minutes, over half the food on the table had been consumed. All of the students in the vicinity were watching, half amused, half disgusted.

"DONE!" Both boys called out at the same time, only to throw up two seconds later. Rose nearly lost her dinner herself, as she watched the two immediately begin to eat more now that their stomachs were empty. _**(NG94: whoever can guess which show this was taken from gets a virtual cookie!)**_

'_On second thought,'_ she mused, _'maybe their food obsessions aren't that good after all…'_

_**THE NEXT MORNING, AT THE MALFOY MANOR **_

Draco was sitting in the kitchen with his wife, eating breakfast, when an owl flew through the open window, letter in its beak.

"Oh, that must be a letter from Scorp!" Daco's wife Emma cried, excitement clearly visible on her face. "Open it! Open it!" Draco, smiling slightly at his wife's childish behavior, opened the letter, and began to read.

"_Dear Mum and Dad,_

_Hey. I am writing to you from the school clinic. I got into an eating contest with a dorm-mate, and we both ate WAY too much. He's lying in the bed next to me right now, with a bucket full of his barf right next to him… actually I've got a bucket just like that myself…_

_Anyway, the nurse, miss Chang, says that we don't deserve to be in Ravenclaw for how stupid we were. That's what house I am in, by the way, Ravenclaw-"_ There Draco broke off, torn between shock and fury. Emma peered at him curiously.

"What's wrong? Isn't Ravenclaw the smart people house?" Draco nodded mutely. "Well, then what's wrong with having a smart son? You said so yourself, you'd only be mad if he got into that looser house, Hufflepuff." Draco sighed, knowing his wife was right. Uggh, how was he going to explain this to his father? Shuddering, and pushing the unpleasant conversation out of his head, he continued reading.\

"_That's what house I'm in by the way , Ravenclaw. Sorry, but at least it's not Hufflepuff, right? Anyway, back to what Miss Chang said, how was I supposed to know that the kid would keep on eating after we both threw up? It was only natural that I kept eating too, so that I wouldn't lose. I think it was a tie though- that Albus Potter's practically an endless pit… it's disgusting. In fact, the only reason we stopped is because his cousin Rose Weasley threatened to, and I quote 'Beat our asses into next year, then beat us back to the present'. The chick's frikin' INSANE!_

_Classes start soon, and I can't wait! Miss Chang says that I'll be better by then, so I can go, but as a punishment, I have to be next to Albus all the time all week. It's like that time in nursery school when Narugirl94 hit Jeremy in the head with a plastic chair, and since it was obvious that she didn't like the kid, she had to be near him longer… Well, I'm going to stop writing now, as this letter is getting dreadfully long, and none of the readers really want to read me drabble on._

_Lots of Love,_

_Scorp."_

Emma grinned, her ponytail bouncing as she talked rapidly.

"I think it's GREAT that our son's having fun and making friends at Hogwarts, and look! He's even excited for learning in his classes! Oh, this is going to be really good for him, don't you- … Draco?"

Draco Malfoy had fainted.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six (Hadar)**

Albus heard the blare of an alarm. He sat up, and realized he was going to puke… again. He turned to his annoying magical alarm and felt the barf come up. The clock wouldn't be waking anybody up for a long time, indeed.

Al watched in amusement, as Malfoy groaned, his hand shooting out to the snooze button of the vomit covered alarm.

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT!" What the FUCK is this SHIT?!?!" The blonde screamed in horror.

"You shouldn't use such naught language, Malfoy" Al lectured, enjoying the sight of the other boy's pain.

"Eew…" Scorpius clearly hadn't heard Al, as he shook his hands to get the vomit off.

"Feeling any better?" Albus laughed.

"Fuck off, Potter."

"C'mon, you know you love me!"

"No, I really don't."

"Really? Well, that makes me sad, because I love you!"

"Freak."

Now, covered in robes instead of vomit, and carrying their books, Al, Rose, and Scorpius headed off for charms, Albus and Scorpius reluctantly sitting next to each other due to their punishment. Professor Brown took forever on her beginning of the year speech, and then Charlotte Frogg came in late, and was lectured for her tardiness. Then, Xeno got lectured for laughing at Charlotte being in trouble. After about an hour of the boring class, they made their way to Defense Against the Dark Arts.

Albus was confused. Why would Charlotte, a second year Gryffindor, be in first year Ravenclaw classes? Rose seemed to be equally curious, since she asked

"Why are you here?" Charlotte looked around, biting her lip.

"Can you guys keep a secret?" The two cousins nodded, and Rose elbowed Scorpius in the stomach, which caused him to nod too. "Well, then, I did so badly in most of my classes last year, that I have to repeat them. And when you have to repeat classes, you usually have to do it in a different environment from last year, because it may have been the students' or teacher's fault instead of yours." Charlotte looked miserable. Rose shifted uncomfortably, trying to change the subject.

"Let's just go to DA."

"What's DA?" Scorpius asked, confused.

"Uggh, why are pretty people so dumb?! DA is Defense against the dark arts, R-tard!" Charlotte said.

"Then wouldn't it be DADA?"

"Why are you even hanging out with us, anyway?"

"Well, there is the fact that Potter and I have to stay together week as punishment," Al's eyes widened. He had completely forgotton about that! "But mainly it's just because you guys amuse me."

In DA, Professor Aquafina started to explain her classroom rules.

"Rule number 67: When you would like to talk, raise your hand. To raise your hand, you flex your bicep muscles, and stick your hand in the air, palm to me, fingers spread out. It's like you are waiting for a high-five." Xeno Longbottom, doing as he was told, stuck up his hand, palm facing the professor, fingers spread. "Yes, dear?"

"Why don't you shut the fuck up, since we already know this shit, and just teach us something of value?"

"What's in his balls?" Rose wondered, watching as Xeno and Prof. Aquafina (verbally) duked it out.

"Testicular Cancer?" Malfoy suggested in a monotone, not looking up from his books. He said it in such a strange way, that Rose and Al burst out laughing, while everyone else either stared at Malfoy, concerned for his mental well-being, or edged away, concerned for their own physical well being.

Xeno was sent to McGonagall's office, and everyone else headed to lunch. While everyone else ate, Al wrote to his mother and father.

"_Dear Mum and Dad,_

_Hi. I'm having a great time at Hogwarts- I've made tons of new friends, like Charlotte Frogg, and Scorpius Malfoy. I was put in Ravenclaw, and all my teachers are shocked. They say that it's strange because James isn't smart at all, but I am. I don't get why-"_

Albus looked up to see a boy dressed up like P. Diddy, (baggy pants so low you could see his boxers, decked out in chains and wearing a do-rag). It took him a moment to realize the boy was his brother, James.

"Hey, Al-rizzle!" James greeted his younger brother.

"Yo, J-dawg. How's it hangin' in the crib?" Charlotte answered back.

Al stared, eyes huge, at his brother for a bit, before going back to his letter.

"_Actually, Umm… mom… dad… do you know how different James acts here? Let's just say that Snoop Dogg would be very proud of him._

_Sent Uncle Ron and Aunt Hermione my love,_

_Al"_

"Well, I've G2G, homedawgs. See y'all L8RZ!" Charlotte gave them a two-finger salute. Rose's left eye twitched, and Malfoy's right eyebrow was raised abnormally high, do to the conversation that they had just seen.

_** THE NEXT DAY AT THE POTTER RESIDENCE**_

Ginny grabbed the mail from their owl, when she noticed a letter.

"Oh look, Harrykins, a letter from Al!" Harry walked over to hinny, and they both read the letter (which, SL19 doesn't want to retype.)

"Friends with a Malfoy? Hmm… who woulda thunk it." Harry mused. But then he neared the end of the letter, and frowned in confusion. "Ginny, grab my coat."

"Huh?"

"TO THE LIBRARY! WE MUST FIND OUT WHO THIS SNOOP DOGG CHARACTER IS!!"


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter seven (Hadar)**

"Why do we have a 'reading and writing skills class?'" Malfoy asked, reading over the class schedule in confusion. The other two just shrugged.

As they entered the classroom, their teacher, Professor Febreze, who smelled oddly and mysteriously of air freshener, explained why Hogwarts had such a shitty-ass class.

"The reason we have such a shitty-ass class is that just because you are wizards and have magic and all that other shit doesn't mean that you can read and write. So, I'll let you divide into pairs and you will recite any poem of your choice." Al and Scorpius immediately scooted next to each other. Even though a week had come and gone, and their punishment served, the boys found that they rather liked the other's company, and quickly became best friends.

Rose watched in morbid curiosity as her two best friends put their heads together to think of a poem they both knew. Suddenly, they both broke out into evil laughter. _'Oh, dear god…'_

"Prof. Febreze, can we go first?!" Scorpius asked eagerly. The professor nodded, glad that someone actually was taking an interest in her shitty-ass class. Together, Al and Scorpious chanted their poem.

"_It is a man's obligation_

_To stick his boneration_

_Up a girl's separation_

_To increase the population_

_Of today's generation._

_I got this information_

_From the board of education_

_If you would like a demonstration_

_Please…_

_LIE DOWN!"_

There was an awkward silence (OMG! Gay baby was born!) for a few moments, before all the boys, Rose, and Charlotte burst into wild applause.

"Boys! Headmistress's office! Now!" An enraged Professor Febreze screamed.

"Well, We're fucked" Scorpius sighed, as the two left the room.

"No shit Sherlock!"

"You boys!" McGonagall yelled angrily, "how could you be so vulgar and vile?!"

"It was all his idea! Punish him, not me!" The two boys said in unison, pointing at each other. "Hey!" They said together again, "Tattletale!"

"I will be sending howlers to your parents about your disgraceful behavior." The boys looked at each other.

"Howlers? Isn't that a bit… much?"

"We ran out of normal quills and parchment." The conversation was cut short, however, as Professor Longbottom walked in, dragging Rose behind him with one hand, and holding her 'My Little Sensation Vibrator' in the other hand… but he was holding it from the top, instead of the base.

"Umm. Professor Longbottom, I _really_ don't think you should be holding it that way…" Rose suggested.

"Oh, and why's that?" Rose raised an eyebrow.

"Don't you know what that thing does?" There was silence for a few seconds, as comprehension dawned on Neville's face.

"Holy FUCKING SHIT!!" Professor Longbottom cried. He quickly changed how he was holding it, and then turned to the headmistress.

"I found this little first year girl, using this… umm… device."

"C'mon, just call it by it's name- vibrator. Vie-Bray-Tor!"

"Just because I am friends with your parents, Miss Weasley, does not mean you can jet me to say 'vibrator!"

"You just said it." Scorpius pointed out, amused.

"God damnit!" McGonagall sighed, cutting in.

"you three will share a punishment of collecting valuables in the forest with Prof. Hagrid."

"Wow, yeh four are the las' kids I'd expec' to ge' my firs' detention. You'll help me collect food fer some of my newest pets." Hagrid instructed the four students in detention. Xeno was there too, because of his argument with Prof. Febreze.

The quartet nodded, and headed into the forest.


	8. Chapter 8

**Jennie: **WE'RE SORRY!

**Hadar:** What do you mean WE? It was YOUR turn to write the chapter, I'M the one who had to come in and write this up!

**Jennie: **Hmmph. Hadar and Me don't own anything. Except for the plot. And a HELL of a lot of OCs. and Super Smash Bros Brawl, which Hadar is obsessed with. And I have Draco Malfoy tied up in my closet, covered in chocolate sauce... Hmm. Now that I think about it, we actually own a hell of a lot. Except for money. Jennie's in debt.

**Hadar:** On with the story!

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**Chapter eight (Hadar)**

_**TIME SKIP!! It is now almost Christmas and/or Chanukah!!**_

"Winter break! w00t! Winter break! w00t!" Albus started cheering as he, James and Rose waited outside of the school, waiting for their fathers and mothers to come pick them up from school and take them home for their two, well deserved weeks of vacation.

"Ugh, Al, you are such a n00b." James stated as his brother stopped chanting.

"N00b?" James repeated as he gave his brother a look that clearly said, 'What the fuck?'

"Aw, shut up. You aren't hip."

"If that's how hip people talk, I don't think he wants to be." a voice stated behind them. Everyone turned around to see Scorpius and Charlotte behind them. Scorpius was carrying a huge pile of suitcases that clearly belonged to both him and Charlotte. With a grunt he dumped all the suitcases and sighed.

"Now where's that 10 sickles your promised me?" Scorpius demanded.

Charlotte gave him a blank stare and replied, "I was kidding..."

Scorpius's face turned red with fury and he was about to launch a punch at her before Al came to Charlotte's rescue and grabbed Scorpius in a chokehold.

Rose and James looked at the two boys fighting as Albus tried to pin Scorpius to the ground and as Scorpius fought to break free. Even though the two were now friends, they were very competitive, and always jumped at the chance to prove that they were better than the other, either using magic, or fists.

Rose suddenly jumped in between them, holding them both by the shoulder and yelled loud enough for all of Hogwarts to hear, "THAT'S ENOUGH!! It is CHRISTMAS BREAK!! That means no FIGHTING."

Charlotte, Albus and Scorpius all looked at Rose with huge eyes before apologizing as quickly as their mouths could let them. Even James was apologizing, despite the fact he had nothing to do with the fight.

A car came flying from the sky and parked in front of the five students. Out came Harry and Ginny Potter, and Ron and Hermione Weasley.

"Mom, Dad!" Rose, Albus and James all ran and hugged their respective parents.

"Miss us?" Ron asked as Rose hugged him tightly.

"Just barely." she answered as she let go and hugged her mother.

"Hey Mr. and Mrs. Potter!" Charlotte waved to Al and James's parents.

Harry leaned towards Albus and whispered into his ear, "Who's she?"

Al whispered back, "One of James's friends."

Harry nodded as he waved back, pretending that he knew who the hell she was.

Scorpius waved too, only to receive a glare from Ron. He slowly pulled his hand behind his back and looked down.

Ginny looked at Albus and saw that his hair was messed up from his fight with Scorpius. After more careful investigation she also found scratches and a bite mark on his arm. "What happened to you, sweetie?"

Al's face suddenly reddened, fearing his mother would start oozing unnecessary concern for him, or worse Mr. Weasly would want to pick a fight with Scorpius himself.

"Ah, Al was just being a man. He got into a bit of a tumble with that Malfoy kid." James said with a smirk, deciding that his language was too 'hip' for the elders to understand.

"That's my nephew!" Ron exclaimed.

"He's a chip off the old block. Except that Harry fought with wands and magic, rather than fists and feet." Hermoine stated with a chuckle.

"I hope you showed that Scorpius kid a thing or two." Ron added.

Rose started giggling, "Not exactly."

_**Later at the Potter Residence**_

"So you can come? Great!" Ginny exclaimed as she hung up the phone and added a checkmark to a list of names she had next to her.

Harry had his arms crossed and watched as Ginny dialed the next number. "Why are we having this party again? And why are you using a phone when you could just as easily use floo powder?"

Ginny looked up from the phone to her husband as she answered, "Firstly, because are kids are back. Secondly, because Muggle phones are fun to use."

"Why should we _celebrate_ the kids being back?"

Ginny simply giggled as she turned back to the phone and started speaking to the next potential guest.

Albus and James came up to their mom and asked, "Can we invite some of our friends from school?"

Harry sighed as he looked at Ginny's extremely long list. Adding his sons' friends would only make it longer. "One guest EACH. And their families, if they want. That's IT."

Al and James high-fived as they thought of the friend each would invite.

_**Two Days later, at the Potter Party**_

Rose ran into the Potter house, leaving her parents and little brother speeding up their pace to keep up.

"Hey Rose, what up?" Al and Rose high fived each other as they started discussing the two days they had spent separated from each other.

Soon guests started piling into the house and the adults demanded that the children leave to make more room for the adults, so anyone under the age of twenty was sent outside to play in the snow. Teddy, the oldest of the members sent outdoors sighed as he and Victoire sat on the snow-covered porch and started talking (amongst other things).

James started making snow angels and soon the younger guests joined in. In fact, everything James did, his younger cousins followed. Theone thing that James did that others wouldn't dare was start drawing less appropriate body parts onto the chest and groin area of his snow angel. He chuckled at his he/she of an angel with large breasts and a dick.

Rose glared at it and stated, "You made the boobs disproportionate."

"Aw, shut it Rose." James stated.

Even _more_ guests came, including Charlotte and Scorpius and his father.

"Hey Scorp! How ya been?" Al asked as he took his eyes of his brother's less then appropriate creation.

"Meh, my 'dad got kinda pissed that I was hanging out with a pair of Weasley's but my mom softened him up."

"Speaking of your mom, where is she?"

"Oh, my dad didn't want her coming."

"Why?" Rose asked.

"No reason, she just isn't a people person."

"O-oh." Rose stated as if she understood, but the look on her face clearly showed she didn't.

"SNOWBALL FIGHT!!" One of the other guests exclaimed. Al turned to see Cousin Louis holding up a snowball and throwing it at James. Soon James threw one at Scorpius and then a barrage of snowballs followed.

Rose, smacked in the face with a snowball, grabbed a snowball the size of her head and tossed it at Al.

Soon in turned into an all out frenzy, the white balls flying in all directions (Scorpius suppressed a giggle at the less appropriate implications of that thought). But as quickly as it had started, it stopped the second everyone's parents came out. Everyone stopped, except for Scorpius and Al of course.

One snowball from Scorpius flew threw the air, missed Al, and smacked Victoire and Teddy…who, thankfully, were too busy making out to notice.

The next snowball from Al crashed into the neighbor's window. Then the third snowball smacked Professor McGonagall's hat and sent it flying into a wall. Turning to see where the snowball had headed Al and Scorpius suddenly stopped and stared, wide-eyed at the parents.

"What's the Malfoy boy doing here!?" Ron asked in shock.

"He was invited. And I'm here, because I don't trust my son alone with a bunch of Weasleys" Draco Malfoy drawled as he came forward out of the audience.

"By who??" Ron asked angrily.

"By Al." Scorpius stated as he and Al wrapped their arms around each other's shoulders like best friends.

"You... you're friends with a MALFOY?!" Ron shouted.

Rose looked up at her dad and stated, "Yeah. Scorp's awesome."

Malfoy was about to say something but he turned to Ron to see that he had fainted. Malfoy chuckled as he went back inside and the other parents filed after him.

But before returning to the adults, Harry turned to the two boys and said, "You are in soooo much trouble once everyone's gone."

_**Later, after the Party...**_

Scorpius and Al were each holding toothbrushes and sitting on the living room floor. You might be wondering what they were doing but it was quite simple. Their punishment for breaking the neighbor's window and disrupting the party: cleaning the floor with their toothbrushes.


	9. Chapter 9

_IMPORTANT! READ THE A/N!!_

**Jennie: **Hey… I don't feel like apologize for the lack of updates, because you guys don't really care if I was busy or not, and no offense to Hadar or Myself, but I'm not sure that our fic has such devout readers to be pissed at us over the lack of updates.

**Hadar:** I'm going to camp tomorrow, and Jennie's going in a month. We won't be updating over that time, but camp is where we came up with the first 7 chapters of the fic.

**Jennie: **Yeah… On an unrelated note, I was watching the OoTP DVD yesterday… it was really WEIRD the second time around… like, Lord Voldemort was standing on King's Cross station, in the middle of a huge crowd, and nobody noticed him but harry. AND, he was in a suit. A SUIT! WHERE THE HELL CAN HE FIND A SUIT IF HE'S A SUPPOSEDLY DEAD MASS MURDER?! And then there was Nigel… OK, yeah, Nigel was a cute little member of the DA, but he wasn't even in the book! If they wanna make a poster kid, they can't have a new character! Now what are they going to do with him for movie six and seven?!

**Hadar:** Shut up, Jennie. We own none of the characters and/or places made by JKR. We do, however, own the OC's, the next gen's personalities in our fics, and a piece of duct tape, which is used for shutting Jennie's mouth.

**Jennie:** It's really bad- I'll admit that. I'm probably going to edit this to make it better within the next month…

Hope you enjoy!

(… a SUIT?!)

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**Chapter nine (Jennie)**

It was Christmas Eve. Scorpius had left the day before, to spend the rest of the holidays with his family. The Potters were, of course, holding a huge Christmas party, with all of the Weasleys and other family friends invited. Most of the Weasleys, eager for another party with the Potters were present (zomg! Alliteration!). This party was much more wild than the one before, due to the fact that James had spiked the eggnog.

Ron and Hermione Weasley were yelling loudly at one another (the reason for their argument was unclear, seeing as to how slurred their words were), Harry and Ginny Potter had disappeared into their bedroom in a fit of giggles, Percival Weasley was currently on the receiving end of a very nasty prank set up by his brother George, there was general chaos as at least 20 Weasleys were running around screaming for no apparent reason, and of course, Teddy and Victoire were making out in a dark secluded corner, as Hugo Weasley watched. All in all, the drunkenness of the family could have only been described in a huge run-on sentence.

However, in the corner, Fred and Roxanne Weasley, aged 13 and 4, Louis Weasley, age 10, Rose Weasley, Albus Potter, James Potter, and Lily Potter were engaged in a debate.

"So," Fred repeated, "Chuck Norris vs. … Yoda."

"Chuck Norris" the reply was instantaneous.

"Chuck Norris vs. … Albus Dumbledore" There was a pause before the answer came.

"Chuck Norris." Fred raised an eyebrow.

"Wow. How about… Chuck Norris vs. Harry potter?" This time, the children really took time to think about their answer. Finally, it was James Potter who responded for the group.

"Chuck Norris."

"Wow, James. Not even your own father? Your own flesh and blood?" Fred asked, placing a hand to his heart.

"Dude, what you've got to understand is… this is Chuck Norris. His balls have replaced Pluto as a planet."

"Yeah," Lily piped up, "The fact that we're even discussing this increases our chances of getting a roundhouse kick to the face by, like, 10000000 percent!" Meanwhile, Louis and little Roxanne were sitting off to the side, wondering just who the hell Chuck Norris was, but too afraid of being 'roundhouse kicked' to ask.

"Hey Rose, what's wrong?" Al addressed the most silent of the group. "Usually you'd be taking advantage of the noise to use your vibrator, or something… did anything happen?" Rose sighed.

"I'm not allowed to hang out with Scorp, and since you're always together you, anymore."

"WHAT?! Why?"

"My daddy says that the Malfoys are bad news, no matter what house they're in. He told me that instead of focusing on him, I needed to focus more on my grades and be more like mother. He was really mad about the fact that we were friends…" Here, the girl trailed off, tears welling in her eyes. Al immediately went in to hug her.

"It's OK," he said, "You can still hang out with us. I'll get my dad to talk to yours. And besides- he can't always know what goes on at Hogwarts. You can hang out with Scorp and me at school-"

"But I don't like disobeying my parents!" She cut him off. "I mean, I never got specific orders to _not_ use a vibrator, or anything like that, so that was OK. And daddy told me before not to MARRY Scorp, and obviously being friends with him isn't marriage. But when they tell me specifically not to do something… I mean, the DID help defeat Voldemort, so I figure my parents probably know what they're talking about…"

"So you don't want to hang out with us?"

"No, I just can't hang out with Scorpius."

"Yes, but Scorpius are bestest friends for ever, until one or both of us discovers our sexual feelings for the other, resulting in a slashy sequel that Jennie can write. No offense, but if you don't wanna talk to him, you can't talk to me." Rose blinked, trying to cover up the hurt that she felt of her cousin choosing someone else over her. What, did Al think that she actually didn't WANT to talk to Scorp?

It was just that, her father had shown Rose a copy of her grades so far, and they had left much to be desired. Before she had known Scorpius Malfoy, her parents had always complimented her on how smart she was. It had been a huge blow to her ego, knowing about how her grades were. And, her father had told her it was because of the hijacks she had gotten into with Al and Scorp, which stopped her from studying. Hermione had tried to convince her daughter otherwise, but it had been too late. Rose had taken her father's words to heart.

"Wow, uncle Ron's a real bastard, huh?" Fred asked his baby sister, who nodded enthusiastically.

"Bathurd!" She mimicked her big brother. Rose felt anger simmering up inside of her.

"FINE!" She cried, "I guess I see where I'm wanted!" And with that she stormed away, leaving a completely confused Al behind her.

"What the hell did Uncle Ron say?"


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: We own nothing**

_Also: We are well aware that our story is not one of the better ones... the whole point is that it's supposed to be bad- Hadar and I just write it for fun, and it's mainly to make fun of other fics we've read (no offense if you've written one like this...). Also, if you're going to tell us it's bad (which it's SUPPOSED to be), at least have the balls to leave a SIGNED review. I've had to delete literally __**9** flame reviews. If you don't like the story, feel free to tell us- but DON'T send in rude reviews like "ZOMG THIS STORY SUKS MUNKEY FUCKING BALLZ U SHOULD GO DIE IN A HOLE!!111!!ONE!!ELEVEN!!1!" Those WILL be deleted. If you leave a signed review that is equally mean, it WILL be returned with any and all spelling and grammatical errors pointed out. **(deep breath)** OK... rant over._

My point: We know the story sucks, if you wish to tell us, leave a SIGNED review, and be nice.

Also: just because nobody will know what I'm saying...

_** mitromem mizdayen batahat!!**_

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**Chapter 10 (Hadar)**

Al stood in front of Hogwarts with Rose and James flanking him. Winter vacation was over.

"Be good." Ron said as he and Harry unloaded the suitcases from the trunk of the car. "Make sure to hang with the right crowd."

Al saw Rose flinch at the blatant reference to her friendship with Scorpius. Albus didn't understand why Rose just didn't disobey her father. _He_ was going to continue to be friends with Scorp, he didn't care enough to listen to Uncle Ron's demands.

"Bye kids!" Harry waved to them as the car backed up and took to the sky.

"Isn't it illegal to bewitch a car?" Al asked as they watched their fathers fly away.

Rose put her index finger to her lips and whispered, "Shh..." before bursting into a giggle fit.

"So what are you gonna do now?" Albus asked Rose.

"About what?"

"About-" Al stopped and stared at James who had stripped from his "parent appropriate" clothes to a more "J-Dawg" worthy outfit. He then proceded to give props to Charlotte, who waved at them.

"Hi guys, how was your vacation?"

"Great. We got to go to a muggle amusement park two days ago." Rose said. "James won a stuffed dog."

"Yeah, and now he won't sleep without it. Wanna see it?" Al asked.

James jumped onto his suitcase and glared at Al, "No one needs to see Mr. Scruffers."

Charlotte chuckled as James hugged his suitcase to his chest. "Well, my mom took me to the United States. We got to go to Florida. It was so STRANGE, my mom was afraid to Apperate that far so we got to take an airplane. Airplanes are so COOL! It's, like, my life ambition now to find out how they stay in the air… OH! I also got a cartalidge piercing!" She pointed to the hoop sticking through the top of her ear. **(A/N Hadar is now the proud owner of her own cart piercing. Jennie is not P **_**Jennie would like to point out that she does not find the amusement in shoving a metal barb through her flesh anyways, so it doesn't matter**_**)**

Rose poked it and said, "Does it hurt?" Charlotte nodded happily.

"Shoot, I gotta go." James randomly pulled his suitcase with one arm and grabbed Charlotte's with the other, dragging his friend reluctantly into the school.

"Your brother is weird." Rose decided as she stared at James pulling Charlotte. Poor Charlotte was yelling and complaining the whole way.

"Agreed."

"What were we talking about?" Rose asked.

Before he could answer something jumped on his back and wrapped its arms around his neck. "Albus!"

"Scorpius!" Al flipped Scorpius off of his back and watched as the blond boy fell to the ground. Scorp looked up at Al and blinked, pouting. Then he opened his mouth in a huge laugh.

"I missed ya! My vacation sucked, my mom kept bugging me about what I did at school and wouldn't let me leave her sight. I love my mom, but, _man_, she can be so annoying about school."

Albus, ever the subtle one, announced, "My vacation involved a lecture telling me and Rose that we shouldn't hang out with you."

"But you still are... right?" Scorpius asked with huge, worried eyes.

"Duh. But Rose is worried." Albus hated watching Scorp's expression turn so sour. He knew it was terrible that Rose wouldn't hang out with them, but he never thought Scorp could get so upset about it.

"That sucks." Scorpius finally declared after a long, awkward pause.

"Don't worry, she'll hang out with us again soon. How could she resist hanging out with the two coolest first years?"

"Yeah, you're right!" Al was happy to see Scorpius smiling as they ran into the school to cause some après-vacation mayhem.

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Rose looked down the long hallway and sighed. Al and Scorp had been her only friends first semester. Now she couldn't hang out with _either_ of them.

"Well, I can't be friendless!" Rose looked at all the first years in the hall and decided to look for one to be her friend.

One group of blonds looked like good options. At least, they did until they pointed at her and started whispering things Rose was sure couldn't be good. Rose sighed again as she turned to a group of boys. She was about to talk to them when one stuck out his leg for Rose to trip on.

"Oops, sorry." One said before hi-fiving his friend.

"You're _hilarious_." Rose said sarcastically as she picked herself up. Why was everyone being so mean to her? Didn't they know that Harry Potter was her uncle?

"Here." a girl had picked up Rose's school books and handed them to Rose. The girl had mousy grown hair, pulled into a scrappy, frizzy ponytail. Her nose balanced a pair of abnormal sized glasses. She had big, deer-in-the-headlights eyes and braces, despite the magical ability to fix crooked teeth.

"My name's Renesmee Wolfe."** (A/N: Cookies to anyone who reviews w/ the source of this name!)**

"Rose Weasley." Rose replied as she snatched back her books. _Looks like I found my friend..._

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Albus was at the Great Hall with Scorpius. He was digging into a breakfast of Froot Loops while reading the Daily Prophet.

He looked further down the table to see Rose sitting with a dorky girl who had a weird name that Albus was too lazy to bother remembering.

Scorpius had finished his Froot Loops and was waiting for the bowl to refill. But he was refused the precious artificially flavoured rings.

"WHAT?!" Scorpius screamed. "Where's my _**DAMN**_ fourth bowl of Froot Loops?!"

"The House Elves must have decided you're getting too fat." Al kidded as he finished his own bowl of cereal. He too was denied artificially flavored fruity goodness. Huh?

Silence spread across the Great Hall, as more and more students encountered the same problem. Suddenly,

"THEY RAN OUT OF FROOT LOOPS!!" a cry rang out from the Gryffindor table, and all hell broke loose.

Hexes were flying across the tables. Albus grabbed a cereal container, only to see it had been replaced with Cheerios. The HORROR.

Charlotte ran from the Gryffindor table into a fourth year Slytherin's lap. "Y'know, you're _really_ cute." she stated as she played with his hair with her left hand. Her right hand was reaching for his bowl of Froot Loops.

"Get off me." the Slytherin snarled. He shoved Charlotte off of his lap and held his Froot Loops to his chest.

"Assfuck." Charlotte cursed, before trying the same thing on a Huffelpuff seventh year.

James went to a Hufflepuff and said, "Hey bro, you mind sparing the J-Dawg some Froot-izzles?"

Fred, James's cousin and co-posse member, stood in the background and simply let his palm slap his forehead. Then his eyes met something beautiful. Something wonderful. Something so amazing that Fred thought he was about to cry. A Froot Loop, sitting on the ground, waiting for a worthy man to eat it. Fred dove for it before a Gryffindor jumped on him.

Rose sat in her seat. She had a whole box of Froot Loops to herself and was eating them calmly.

"How?" Scorpius asked as she offered him the box.

"I spat in them." she answered. Scorp shrugged and yanked out a handful.

Xenophilius's eyes fell on the Head table and he saw the professor's calmly eating from their own bowls.

Xeno walked up to Professor Longbottom and asked, "Dad, can I have some Froot Loops?"

"Sure." Professor Longbottom poured his son an entire bowl.

_No way that douchebag is getting some free Loops!_ Al cleared his thought and called, "PROFESSOR LONGBOTTOM IS GIVING AWAY FREE FROOT LOOPS!!" He watched as practically every student jumped at the chance for precious Froot Loops.

Al smirked as he walked back to the Ravenclaw table and saw Rose and Scorp eating from a box of Froot Loops.

"Holy Toucan Sam, father of Froot Loops!" Al exclaimed, "AWESOMENESS!!" He reached into the box and chomped gleefully on the Frootlicious-ness.

"Y'know, I spat in those." Rose warned.

"Meh, we're cousins." Al pointed out. He noticed as he chewed that one Froot Loop was particularly soggy.

Suddenly House Elves came crashing into the Great Hal, banging their heads on the tables and floors, "We must get more Froot Loops for students! We must properly serve our masters!"

One Elf, desperate to punish himself, accidentally ran into Al and pushed him down. When he fell he noticed that he hadn't landed on the hard tiles of the floor. In fact, he had landed on something soft.

Al blinked his eyes open to see he had landed on Scorpius. Their eyes were huge as Al realized that their faces were very close and their lips were pressed together.

Albus pulled away and both boys spat as they cried, "EW, GROSS!!"

And then Jennie died of a yaoi-gasm.


End file.
